Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
