He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
