You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
