Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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