What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
