I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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