I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
