peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
