I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
