summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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