Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
