true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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