Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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