Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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