Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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