Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
