I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
