you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
