How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
