Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
