Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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