Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
