i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
