I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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