he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
