I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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