I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
