allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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