on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
3pm strippers are depressing
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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