He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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