i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
