I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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