so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
