Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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