i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
