They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
