I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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