You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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