i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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