omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
