He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
