I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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