Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Panties = found
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