My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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