apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
