Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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