in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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