Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
