my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
