I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
