Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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