Small penises have feelings too.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
