if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
bring money and cleavage
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
