PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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